• Girl Scouts Obtain Restraining Order Against Trump

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)-In an extraordinary rebuke of the President of the United States, the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. have obtained a restraining order against Donald J. Trump. The order, which the Girls Scouts were granted on Monday night, prevents Trump from coming within three hundred feet of any gathering of the Scouts’ organization. Carol Foyler, a Girl Scouts spokesperson, said that while the G.S.U.S.A. sought the restraining order “out of an abundance of caution,” the girls themselves were “in no way, shape or form” afraid of President Trump. “They’re prepared to deal with bobcats and bears,” she said. “They can handle a malignant narcissist.” Trump wasted little time responding

  • Buckingham Palace 'lied' about Prince William and Harry walking behind Diana's coffin

    The brother of Princess Diana, has claimed he was lied to about Prince William and Prince Harry wanting to walk behind their mother’s coffin at her funeral. Earl Spencer described the funeral procession as ‘the most horrifying half an hour of my life’ and claimed it was ‘bizarre and cruel’ to make the young princes walk behind their mother’s coffin.

  • Game of Thrones: just how depraved could Euron Greyjoy get and how bad is he in the books?

    Contains spoilers Game of Thrones has produced some properly messed up characters. At first, we didn’t think anyone could get more sadistic than Joffrey... then Ramsay came along with his fondness for castration, flaying men alive and long dog walks. With those two out of the picture, Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbæk) has swaggered into the iron throne room ready to take the crown of most barbarous nobleman.  So, what qualifies Euron for this title? We’ve already seen him kill his brother, Balon, and disinherit his niece and nephew, Yara and Theon. Within his marriage proposal to Cersei Lannister in last week's episode, he managed to sneak in the suggestion that she murder brother/lover Jaime. And in Stormborn, this week's instalment, he switched into full-on "mad pirate mode", dispatching two of the supposedly deadly Sand Snakes, ransacking Theon and Yara's fleet, and apparently capturing the latter. However, it's Euron’s actions in George RR Martin's books that really give us an insight into his depravity, and hint that, as far as this new villain is concerned, we ain't see nothing yet. Here's a quick round-up: Pilou Asbæk becomes king of the Iron Islands in Game of Thrones Credit: HBO He's good at cutting back on workplace gossip The best start to finding out about Cersei’s newest suitor would be to ask the crew of his ship, the Silence. You won’t get much of an answer though, because Euron had their tongues ripped out.  He's got blue lips Euron's appearance is also a little more terrifying in the books. He wears an eyepatch to conceal the fact that one of his eyes is black in sharp contrast to his blue “smiling eye”. Just to keep everything co-ordinated, his lips are also blue due to a fondness for drinking shade of the evening (a brew of special leaves, which some believe will give the drinker magical powers).  Game of Thrones: the book characters who were cut from the show He's not really a family man Euron is loyal to no-one - not even his brothers. Shortly after the Greyjoy rebellion, he was banished from the Iron Islands for having sex with brother Victarion’s "salt wife" ( the name given to a woman captured by one of the ironborn during a raid, and forced into being a sort of unofficial spouse).  We don’t know if the encounter was consensual. He was not supposed to return for as long as Lord Balon was alive (which to be fair, he kind of didn't in that he killed Balon within minutes of landing back on Pyke). Victarion would have killed Euron for the huge betrayal, if it wasn't for the taboo against kinslaying. Instead, Victarion beat his salt wife to death.  It later transpires in the books that Balon wasn’t the only brother Euron killed. As a boy, he also killed his younger brothers Harlon and Robin. Pilou Asbæk as Euron Greyjoy in Game of Thrones Credit: HBO He's well-travelled  After his banishment, Euron sailed all over the world, raping and pillaging wherever he pleased with the Silence and its mute crew. On his travels he went to dangerous places such as the ruins of Valyria, and supposedly seized a dragon horn from the warlocks of Qarth. That last bit could prove quite important, as it can control dragons and might make a lovely engagement gift for Cersei. When he returned to take the Seastone Chair, one of the lords of Pyke, Lord Sawane Botley objected to Euron’s claim. Not wanting to get into a debate, Euron had him drowned in a cask of seawater.  His relationship history is a little worrying After Euron conquered the Shield islands (which are in the Reach area of Westeros), he held a feast in the Oakenshield Castle. While there, he tied and gagged Lord Humfrey Hewett and makes Hewett’s daughters and granddaughters serve him naked. Euron also took Hewett’s bastard daughter Falia Flowers as his lover.  Things don’t work out well for Falia, however. According to a preview chapter from Martin's forthcoming The Winds of Winter, she is later lashed to the prow of the Silence. Pregnant and with her tongue cut out. You’ve been warned, Cersei.  Game of Thrones: 11 things from the books that were too nasty - or just too weird - for the show  

  • Venus Williams' Vehicle Data Shows She Did 20 MPH in Intersection, Says Victims' Attorney

    Venus Williams accelerated from 0 to almost 20 MPH in about 4 seconds as she pulled through the intersection where she had a fatal accident ... according to the attorney for the victims' family. Michael Steinger, who reps the estate of Jerome Barson -- the man who died -- tells TMZ Sports his team obtained the black box data Tuesday from Venus' SUV. He says it shows she was traveling at 19.9 MPH when Jerome and his wife T-boned her. He also says the numbers show Venus got up to that speed in 4.2 seconds. His take on the data -- Venus probably "looked up, saw the red light and gunned it." Remember, the surveillance video shows Venus start into the intersection, but stop to allow another vehicle

  • In pictures: First look at London's new Crossrail stations

    Crossrail has released new pictures showing London’s new Elizabeth Line stations taking shape. The line is set to carry its first passengers across the capital in December 2018, travelling from Reading in the West to Abbey Wood in the east, and is expected to cost a total of £14.8 billion. The new pictures give a glimpse of what passengers can expect from the station architecture. Escalators and light fittings are being put in place, and each station is receiving its own bespoke elements - like a wall map of Soho in Tottenham Court Road and a Barbican-style ticket hall at Farringdon. Julian Robinson, Crossrail Head of Architecture, said: “Crossrail is working with the best architects and engineers in the world to create a railway that builds upon the unrivalled heritage of London and its iconic transport network. “As the project passes 85% complete, these new images highlight the progress being made to install the architectural elements that will soon become familiar to the hundreds of thousands of passengers who will use the Elizabeth line when it opens in December 2018.”